Those of you who have read the acknowledgements section of Handsome Devil will be aware that my partner and I became parents relatively recently—our toddler just turned 1 this past June. There are certain aspects of parenthood that you know intellectually going in, but don’t really understand emotionally until you’re thrown into the experience. One of those things is how much of your pre-parenthood self has to be set aside.
This was especially concrete for me. Before becoming a nursery, our second bedroom was my office/library/sanctuary. I’m a very introverted person and after coming home from a day of working with the public, it was my safety space. Bringing a new person into the world was already overwhelming and on top of it, I had to dismantle the one room that was always my port in a storm.
But we did. My six bookcases were whittled to just the two that I could fit in our bedroom. The big green desk that I adored had to be replaced with a compact one that is overwhelmed with my tendency towards clutter. And the Star Wars figures that were displayed had to go into storage.
It’s weird to assign that sort of emotional weight to little lumps of plastic. But they are objects that were brought into my life for no greater purpose than enjoyment. Specifically, the enjoyment of the person I was pre-parenthood. We’ve made it through our first year. I’ve published my first book. And I finally felt the motivation to put up the first shelves to display these little guys again.
It isn’t much. They aren’t particularly well posed or grouped, and I haven’t quite found the motivation to match them all with their accessories. But it still feels good to reclaim this small part of myself. It’s a start.
Until next time, travelers,
Gael
P.S. Do not at me about how I have a shelf devoted to shirtless zabraks. You don’t need to tell me about my problems.